I should not be surprised by now at the extent to which a hound dog will go to be the laziest possible creature it can be. But, I stand in amazement at the lengths to which our Beagle mix Petey will go to achieve pure lazy nirvana. I am shaking my head just thinking about her antics now.
Petey has brought taking a nap to a whole new level of seriousness. My girl can go from 50 miles per hour (speeds this fast usually involve food) to comatose in mere nanoseconds. And when I say comatose, I mean there is a pulse but no other bodily functions. You can lift her ears, blow in her face, make her do doggy sit ups and she will snore away not even changing her facial expression. In this state of slumber the only thing that can arouse Petey is the sound of the refrigerator door opening. Boing, up she goes as soon as she hears the familiar creak. I know the question you are asking yourself is do they ever open that door just to see the dog jump up? Of course the answer is yes, are you kidding? That is pure, clean, wholesome family entertainment right there.
My favorite part about Petey’s laziness is how she will maximize her comfort right before she goes comatose. This means she will find the softest spot in the house available to rest her sweet head before she passes out. Her favorite place to sleep is the bed, but I do try to maintain some semblance of civilization and limit her to the living room during normal waking hours. That means you should not sit on our couch unless you want dog hair on your clothes. Now, in the late evening around the time my favorite Bravo Housewives shows are on I myself like to lie on my couch and relax. No problem for Petey, she just plops herself on the softest thing available; my belly.
As if having an overweight Beagle resting on my overweight mid-section is not awkward enough, what happened the other night takes lazy to a whole new level. While watching my favorite shows with my lovely dog on my gut, I felt a wet, warm sensation. I looked at Petey with a curious expression wondering what the cause of the sensation could be. She just looked back into my eyes with a deer in the headlights kind of stare and then it hit me. That little brat had peed on me! Yes, urinated all over my belly. Now really, how lazy do you have to be to not get up to go pee? Does anyone know how to cath a dog?
Friday, December 31, 2010
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Teaching An Old Chicken New Tricks
You have heard the saying you can’t teach an old dog new tricks, well we all know it is not true. You can in fact teach an old dog new tricks and you can teach an old chicken new tricks, too. Not those weird tricks you see at carnivals in small towns where the chicken can do math. Who needs a chicken that can do arithmetic? No, real tricks like jump for the Doritos. Now I am telling you, you have not seen a chicken get air like Michael Jordan until you have baited them with Doritos. I know what you are thinking, how did the revelation of chickens love for the tasty, nacho cheese chips come to light?
Well, it all started one peaceful, warm summer evening when the whole family was outside enjoying the balmy night. We were in our lounge chairs bored out of our minds getting eaten alive by the mosquitoes eating you guessed it Doritos. Well, that sparked the interest of the Girls. Now, I read somewhere that chickens would eat mosquitoes, but I can attest that the Girls have not made a dent in the mosquito population in my backyard. In fact, my Girls refuse to eat anything that is alive like a worm, bug or mosquito. So if you are considering chickens for the pest control benefits forget about it.
So, we have determined that the Girls don’t like normal chicken fare like bugs, but who would have thought they would like Doritos? So, I am in my lounge chair lounging, yelling at the kids and stuffing my face with Doritos and Twinkie jumps up in my lap. This in itself is not out of the ordinary. She is quite the snuggle birdie. But then she went after my Doritos! She snatched my chip right out of my hand. Now, they are chickens but they are not uncivilized. They don’t just normally take food from Momma’s hand well, not Momma’s food. Oh, but they could not resist the Doritos. Soon the whole flock was gathered around me clamoring for a spot hoping to get a chip. And that is when the idea came to us, chicken competition.
We decided survival of the fittest would rule, so we held up the orange triangle that held such power over the flock. We lifted it about 2 feet over their heads in an attempt to taunt them. Just to let them know how was in charge you know. And then it happened, to my amazement Robin cleared the 2 feet and nabbed her a chip. That was when we became fascinated with the chip jump. Robin is the reigning champ and no we don’t have the official measurement of her jump. But she usually comes out of the mix with the Dorito. And no, they won’t jump for a regular potato chip. We have tried various snacks to see which their favorite is and Doritos win hands down. And yes, we have way too much time on our hands.
PETA disclaimer: No chickens were harmed in the amusing of ourselves; however some humans have come out with some nasty scratches.
The Girls
Well, it all started one peaceful, warm summer evening when the whole family was outside enjoying the balmy night. We were in our lounge chairs bored out of our minds getting eaten alive by the mosquitoes eating you guessed it Doritos. Well, that sparked the interest of the Girls. Now, I read somewhere that chickens would eat mosquitoes, but I can attest that the Girls have not made a dent in the mosquito population in my backyard. In fact, my Girls refuse to eat anything that is alive like a worm, bug or mosquito. So if you are considering chickens for the pest control benefits forget about it.
So, we have determined that the Girls don’t like normal chicken fare like bugs, but who would have thought they would like Doritos? So, I am in my lounge chair lounging, yelling at the kids and stuffing my face with Doritos and Twinkie jumps up in my lap. This in itself is not out of the ordinary. She is quite the snuggle birdie. But then she went after my Doritos! She snatched my chip right out of my hand. Now, they are chickens but they are not uncivilized. They don’t just normally take food from Momma’s hand well, not Momma’s food. Oh, but they could not resist the Doritos. Soon the whole flock was gathered around me clamoring for a spot hoping to get a chip. And that is when the idea came to us, chicken competition.
We decided survival of the fittest would rule, so we held up the orange triangle that held such power over the flock. We lifted it about 2 feet over their heads in an attempt to taunt them. Just to let them know how was in charge you know. And then it happened, to my amazement Robin cleared the 2 feet and nabbed her a chip. That was when we became fascinated with the chip jump. Robin is the reigning champ and no we don’t have the official measurement of her jump. But she usually comes out of the mix with the Dorito. And no, they won’t jump for a regular potato chip. We have tried various snacks to see which their favorite is and Doritos win hands down. And yes, we have way too much time on our hands.
PETA disclaimer: No chickens were harmed in the amusing of ourselves; however some humans have come out with some nasty scratches.
The Girls
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Feathers of Fury
If you know Addy, then you know that kicking her butt is not that hard to do. She is a gentle person, an old soul who does not agree with violence. She is a peace keeper and so she opts for peaceful protest over violence. But get your butt kicked by a 5 pound chicken? Come on Addy!
We have a strange array of pets here at the Ray household. Currently we have 2 dogs, 6 chickens and 1 duck. All of the animals coexist peacefully for the most part but there was that one incident. The one we like to laugh about at dinner. The incident we use to keep Addy in check when she starts talking teenage to us. The day Addy got her butt kicked by KiKi the chicken.
Now, in Addy’s defense KiKi is one tough bird. She can hold her own against just about any animal in the house. Feathers of fury are what she is when she is on the offense. A blur of black and white with feathers floating peacefully to the ground after the mayhem is over. Most of the household animals have learned to not make KiKi upset. Blue and Petey keep a respectful distance from her. The other Girls let her pick the best scraps and the best roosting spot. But Addy was just a bit confused about who was the boss.
Chickens, like dogs can smell the weakness in a human, and they smell Addy’s pacifist nature a mile away. So of course they have to exploit the weakness and KiKi is the master. She has made Addy her personal servant. Addy hand feeds KiKi, lets her sit in the chair with her, paints the birds toenails and of course is there for affection whenever KiKi demands. Oh and KiKi demands!
One seemingly normal evening, KiKi was just sitting on Addy’s lap like any other summer evening and then, out of nowhere came feathers of fury. KiKi climbed up Addy like a tree inflicting damage everywhere she touched. She pecked and scratched and Lord only knows what else she did to poor Addy. I think she even pooped on her. And then as suddenly as the attack began it ended. It ended with that stark contrast of floating feathers as opposed to feathers of fury. And poor Addy just sat there dazed and confused with little spots of blood on her arms. And KiKi just sat there demanding in her chicken way that Addy continue giving her a back rub.
For those of you concerned about Addy, she is fine and has no permanent damage from the attack except for some emotional scars. KiKi is still her boss and Addy is at the beck and call of the bird. Everyone seems to know their place. To date, we have not had a repeat butt whipping, but if Addy crosses the line KiKi is ready.
We have a strange array of pets here at the Ray household. Currently we have 2 dogs, 6 chickens and 1 duck. All of the animals coexist peacefully for the most part but there was that one incident. The one we like to laugh about at dinner. The incident we use to keep Addy in check when she starts talking teenage to us. The day Addy got her butt kicked by KiKi the chicken.
Now, in Addy’s defense KiKi is one tough bird. She can hold her own against just about any animal in the house. Feathers of fury are what she is when she is on the offense. A blur of black and white with feathers floating peacefully to the ground after the mayhem is over. Most of the household animals have learned to not make KiKi upset. Blue and Petey keep a respectful distance from her. The other Girls let her pick the best scraps and the best roosting spot. But Addy was just a bit confused about who was the boss.
Chickens, like dogs can smell the weakness in a human, and they smell Addy’s pacifist nature a mile away. So of course they have to exploit the weakness and KiKi is the master. She has made Addy her personal servant. Addy hand feeds KiKi, lets her sit in the chair with her, paints the birds toenails and of course is there for affection whenever KiKi demands. Oh and KiKi demands!
One seemingly normal evening, KiKi was just sitting on Addy’s lap like any other summer evening and then, out of nowhere came feathers of fury. KiKi climbed up Addy like a tree inflicting damage everywhere she touched. She pecked and scratched and Lord only knows what else she did to poor Addy. I think she even pooped on her. And then as suddenly as the attack began it ended. It ended with that stark contrast of floating feathers as opposed to feathers of fury. And poor Addy just sat there dazed and confused with little spots of blood on her arms. And KiKi just sat there demanding in her chicken way that Addy continue giving her a back rub.
For those of you concerned about Addy, she is fine and has no permanent damage from the attack except for some emotional scars. KiKi is still her boss and Addy is at the beck and call of the bird. Everyone seems to know their place. To date, we have not had a repeat butt whipping, but if Addy crosses the line KiKi is ready.
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Blue to the Rescue
A couple of years ago our family started a new hobby, chicken raising. We were suckered in by those cute, little chicks dyed those adorable, Easter colors at Dickey Bubs. Who could resist a pink chick? Not this old softie. So, we bought us some chicks, built us a coop, got some chicken feed and started on a path that is a whole different article entirely. We became chicken parents. We have six lovely hens and one female duck (she was a rescue). Yes, the eggs are nice, but I know why organic, free range chicken eggs are so expensive at the market. Chickens eat a lot! But I digress from the focus of my article which is Blue saving the day.
As you know from my other stories, Blue is the best Coonadoodle Hound dog ever! And so when we got the Girls (our pet name for the chickens and duck) Blue of course helped out when he was needed. On summer nights when the Girls want to chase fireflies or eat my tomato plants instead of go to bed, who helps me round them all up into the coop? Blue of course! You know Petey, the beagle is too lazy. She never helps with chicken chores. But I just say, “Let’s put ’em up Blue,” and he is up and chicken wrangling in no time. The Girls cackle and protest, but with both of us shooing them to the coop they cannot win the fight.
Now, I live in a small town but my house is in a subdivision. You would not expect critters of the woodsy sort to come looking for your chickens here. But I have had predators come looking for an easy meal. One day, Blue sounded the alarm early in the morning and I came out just in time to see a red fox high tailing it out of my yard. At first I stood there in awe of his beauty and at my luck to see a fox so close. Then it hit me, the stinker was after my Girls! Good thing Blue was there to save the day! No one chases his birds, except him and only at bedtime.
Blue has saved the Girls from becoming dinner on numerous occasions; mostly the culprit has been a large bird of prey. A hawk, chicken hawk or an owl will try to out wait Blue. They sit in the trees or on the swing set watching him watch them in a morbid game of don’t blink. But they have always met their match when it comes to patience with Blue. My boy is instinctively protective of what he views as his family and the Girls are definitely considered close cousins. So, Blue will stay out in the yard (yes even in the heat when he would rather be in the air conditioning) until the bird of prey gets the hint and takes off for good. He is calm and quiet in his approach. Like Teddy Roosevelt, Blue prefers to speak softly but carry a big stick. If a bird comes too close, he will spring into action. Then when the bird retreats he goes back to his quiet vigilance. To date, we have not lost a single member of the gaggle to any predator. Who would have thought that a Coon Hound would become such a strong advocate for chicken rights?
Coonadoodle Hound Dog
As you know from my other stories, Blue is the best Coonadoodle Hound dog ever! And so when we got the Girls (our pet name for the chickens and duck) Blue of course helped out when he was needed. On summer nights when the Girls want to chase fireflies or eat my tomato plants instead of go to bed, who helps me round them all up into the coop? Blue of course! You know Petey, the beagle is too lazy. She never helps with chicken chores. But I just say, “Let’s put ’em up Blue,” and he is up and chicken wrangling in no time. The Girls cackle and protest, but with both of us shooing them to the coop they cannot win the fight.
Now, I live in a small town but my house is in a subdivision. You would not expect critters of the woodsy sort to come looking for your chickens here. But I have had predators come looking for an easy meal. One day, Blue sounded the alarm early in the morning and I came out just in time to see a red fox high tailing it out of my yard. At first I stood there in awe of his beauty and at my luck to see a fox so close. Then it hit me, the stinker was after my Girls! Good thing Blue was there to save the day! No one chases his birds, except him and only at bedtime.
Blue has saved the Girls from becoming dinner on numerous occasions; mostly the culprit has been a large bird of prey. A hawk, chicken hawk or an owl will try to out wait Blue. They sit in the trees or on the swing set watching him watch them in a morbid game of don’t blink. But they have always met their match when it comes to patience with Blue. My boy is instinctively protective of what he views as his family and the Girls are definitely considered close cousins. So, Blue will stay out in the yard (yes even in the heat when he would rather be in the air conditioning) until the bird of prey gets the hint and takes off for good. He is calm and quiet in his approach. Like Teddy Roosevelt, Blue prefers to speak softly but carry a big stick. If a bird comes too close, he will spring into action. Then when the bird retreats he goes back to his quiet vigilance. To date, we have not lost a single member of the gaggle to any predator. Who would have thought that a Coon Hound would become such a strong advocate for chicken rights?
Coonadoodle Hound DogA Tail of Two Dogs
I will never forget the first time our eyes met. I knew right then and there he was the one for me without a doubt. Those deep amber eyes like no color I had ever seen before pierced straight through to my soul. In an instant we knew all that we needed to know about each other. It was beyond description. That first meeting occurred 4 years ago at Open Door Sanctuary. No, it is not a dating service, it is an animal shelter and it is where I met the love of my life! Blue Independence Ray, a beautiful Coon Hound, Beagle mix (we think). I call his breed a Coonadoodle.
Our family had decided that we wanted to adopt a pet from a shelter in order to save a dog’s life. We had no particular need of a purebred animal; we just wanted a great family pet. And that is what we got! Blue is the best dog ever. He speaks 3 languages fluently, cycles with me emotionally and he can read my mind. Yes, he is telepathic and I think partly psychic. He knows just what I need to cheer me up and he is always there when I need him. I cannot believe someone just chained him to the shelter fence one Christmas night. Blue is just perfect (aside from the prescription eyeglasses he chewed up), how could someone not want him? We ended up loving him so much that we decided to adopt a friend for Blue. So, along came Sweet Pea aka Petey. Our life has never been the same!
Petey turned our life upside down the moment she entered the house. She is a little (code word for fat) Beagle female that we found at a county shelter. At first she was so sweet and innocent. She just sat on your lap and loved on you. She stole our hearts. She was a well, sweet pea hence the name. Then came the truth; she was not sweet she was sick. She had kennel cough. She would hack and hack until she barfed all over the place. It was like having a new born baby; we were up all night taking care of her. So we got antibiotics and Robitussin cough syrup and nursed the little angel back to health. Then Blue got the cough! He then hacked until he barfed at all hours of the day and night. We were miserable until the cough passed. My steam cleaner had never been used so much!
Well, soon all the dogs were healthy and then the true personality of our little sweet pea came out. It turns out she is a bossy, little doggie. She was bossing Blue, she was bossing the neighbor’s Rottweiler, she was bossing the kids, and she was even trying to boss the boss of the house (that would be me). That is when her name changed from Sweet Pea to Petey because there is nothing sweet about her. So why keep such a bossy dog you ask? Well, because the little skunk wiggled her way into my heart at some point when I was rubbing her throat trying to ease her cough or maybe it was when I was scrubbing her barf off the floor. That dog even had me fluffing her pillows for her. What a diva! And what a sucker I was. But you know me and you know I jest. I love her to death and would not sell her for any amount of money. Blue on the other hand will consider any reasonable offer.
So, what did we gain other than the priceless antics and loads of entertainment by adopting a shelter dog? Well, even though Petey had a rough start at our house with the kennel cough, we reaped some benefits by adopting dogs that were past the puppy stage. Both dogs were under a year old when we got them so they were trainable and cute, but they were both past puppy teeth. You know those razor sharp teeth that slice anything including skin at the slightest glance. So, aside from my glasses and countless pairs of socks neither dog has done any real chewing damage. (Those of you who know puppies know this is really very little damage.) Dogs are dogs and they chew, so please give your dog something to chew! You cannot expect them to just not chew, so teach them appropriate chewing. There, I am off my soapbox now.
The other great thing about their age was that they were potty trained! That is worth the adoption fee alone. I showed them the door, let them out and viola they were good to go. They were also old enough to know some obedience commands like sit, down, hump my leg. So, leash training and continued obedience training was easier so we could get to the really important tricks like hog the bed and lick the food off the kids’ faces.
So, please if you are thinking about adopting a pet from a shelter do it! If you are thinking of buying a pet from a breeder, check your local shelter first. You will not regret it. That is if you have patience and a sense of humor. If you do not possess these traits then get a Zhu Zhu pet, you can take the battery out if them when they get annoying. Well, I have to finish this article, Blue just told me it is nap time and I want to get a good spot on the bed. And yes, he told me telepathically.
Our family had decided that we wanted to adopt a pet from a shelter in order to save a dog’s life. We had no particular need of a purebred animal; we just wanted a great family pet. And that is what we got! Blue is the best dog ever. He speaks 3 languages fluently, cycles with me emotionally and he can read my mind. Yes, he is telepathic and I think partly psychic. He knows just what I need to cheer me up and he is always there when I need him. I cannot believe someone just chained him to the shelter fence one Christmas night. Blue is just perfect (aside from the prescription eyeglasses he chewed up), how could someone not want him? We ended up loving him so much that we decided to adopt a friend for Blue. So, along came Sweet Pea aka Petey. Our life has never been the same!
Petey turned our life upside down the moment she entered the house. She is a little (code word for fat) Beagle female that we found at a county shelter. At first she was so sweet and innocent. She just sat on your lap and loved on you. She stole our hearts. She was a well, sweet pea hence the name. Then came the truth; she was not sweet she was sick. She had kennel cough. She would hack and hack until she barfed all over the place. It was like having a new born baby; we were up all night taking care of her. So we got antibiotics and Robitussin cough syrup and nursed the little angel back to health. Then Blue got the cough! He then hacked until he barfed at all hours of the day and night. We were miserable until the cough passed. My steam cleaner had never been used so much!
Well, soon all the dogs were healthy and then the true personality of our little sweet pea came out. It turns out she is a bossy, little doggie. She was bossing Blue, she was bossing the neighbor’s Rottweiler, she was bossing the kids, and she was even trying to boss the boss of the house (that would be me). That is when her name changed from Sweet Pea to Petey because there is nothing sweet about her. So why keep such a bossy dog you ask? Well, because the little skunk wiggled her way into my heart at some point when I was rubbing her throat trying to ease her cough or maybe it was when I was scrubbing her barf off the floor. That dog even had me fluffing her pillows for her. What a diva! And what a sucker I was. But you know me and you know I jest. I love her to death and would not sell her for any amount of money. Blue on the other hand will consider any reasonable offer.
So, what did we gain other than the priceless antics and loads of entertainment by adopting a shelter dog? Well, even though Petey had a rough start at our house with the kennel cough, we reaped some benefits by adopting dogs that were past the puppy stage. Both dogs were under a year old when we got them so they were trainable and cute, but they were both past puppy teeth. You know those razor sharp teeth that slice anything including skin at the slightest glance. So, aside from my glasses and countless pairs of socks neither dog has done any real chewing damage. (Those of you who know puppies know this is really very little damage.) Dogs are dogs and they chew, so please give your dog something to chew! You cannot expect them to just not chew, so teach them appropriate chewing. There, I am off my soapbox now.
The other great thing about their age was that they were potty trained! That is worth the adoption fee alone. I showed them the door, let them out and viola they were good to go. They were also old enough to know some obedience commands like sit, down, hump my leg. So, leash training and continued obedience training was easier so we could get to the really important tricks like hog the bed and lick the food off the kids’ faces.
So, please if you are thinking about adopting a pet from a shelter do it! If you are thinking of buying a pet from a breeder, check your local shelter first. You will not regret it. That is if you have patience and a sense of humor. If you do not possess these traits then get a Zhu Zhu pet, you can take the battery out if them when they get annoying. Well, I have to finish this article, Blue just told me it is nap time and I want to get a good spot on the bed. And yes, he told me telepathically.
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