The Laziest Hound in the World

I should not be surprised by now at the extent to which a hound dog will go to be the laziest possible creature it can be. But, I stand in amazement at the lengths to which our Beagle mix Petey will go to achieve pure lazy nirvana. I am shaking my head just thinking about her antics now.

Petey has brought taking a nap to a whole new level of seriousness. My girl can go from 50 miles per hour (speeds this fast usually involve food) to comatose in mere nanoseconds. And when I say comatose, I mean there is a pulse but no other bodily functions. You can lift her ears, blow in her face, make her do doggy sit ups and she will snore away not even changing her facial expression. In this state of slumber the only thing that can arouse Petey is the sound of the refrigerator door opening. Boing, up she goes as soon as she hears the familiar creak. I know the question you are asking yourself is do they ever open that door just to see the dog jump up? Of course the answer is yes, are you kidding? That is pure, clean, wholesome family entertainment right there.

My favorite part about Petey’s laziness is how she will maximize her comfort right before she goes comatose. This means she will find the softest spot in the house available to rest her sweet head before she passes out. Her favorite place to sleep is the bed, but I do try to maintain some semblance of civilization and limit her to the living room during normal waking hours. That means you should not sit on our couch unless you want dog hair on your clothes. Now, in the late evening around the time my favorite Bravo Housewives shows are on I myself like to lie on my couch and relax. No problem for Petey, she just plops herself on the softest thing available; my belly.

As if having an overweight Beagle resting on my overweight mid-section is not awkward enough, what happened the other night takes lazy to a whole new level. While watching my favorite shows with my lovely dog on my gut, I felt a wet, warm sensation. I looked at Petey with a curious expression wondering what the cause of the sensation could be. She just looked back into my eyes with a deer in the headlights kind of stare and then it hit me. That little brat had peed on me! Yes, urinated all over my belly. Now really, how lazy do you have to be to not get up to go pee? Does anyone know how to cath a dog?